We now live in an era when many families have only one child. Whether a son or a daughter, that child is increasingly likely to inherit the family’s assets.

Yet one traditional expectation remains deeply rooted in Korean marriage culture: the man is often expected to bear a larger share of the wedding expenses, particularly the cost of providing a home for the newlyweds.

I once spoke with a man in his late thirties.

“You’re 178 centimeters tall, healthy, and make a good impression. You graduated from a university in Seoul and have a stable job. But what’s making you hesitate about marriage is the financial burden, especially the cost of a newlywed home, isn’t it?”

He paused.

He had spent time helping with his parents’ business and had other personal circumstances that had made it difficult for him to save enough money.

He was ready for marriage in many ways. Financially, however, he simply could not afford to provide a newlywed home.

So I made him a different suggestion.

“Then let’s approach marriage differently. I’ll introduce you to a woman who already owns a home. If things work out, you can begin your married life there.

“But you’ll need to be flexible about some of your other preferences. Don’t insist on marrying someone much younger. Be open to someone your own age, or even a year or two older. And don’t make appearance your highest priority. Instead, consider a woman with a good personality, a stable job, and a home of her own.”

He looked surprised.

“Are there really women like that?”

As it happened, just two weeks earlier, the parents of a woman in her late thirties had come to see me.

Their daughter had an ordinary job and was fairly average in appearance.

But she had something that could completely change the marriage equation: her parents had given her a mid-sized apartment, where she was already living on her own.

At first, her parents described the kind of son-in-law they wanted in fairly conventional terms.

“We don’t want too large an age difference, and we’d like him to have a stable job.”

I suggested looking at the situation differently.

“Your daughter already has a home. So instead of looking for a man who also owns a home, why not prioritize other qualities? Look for someone who is healthy, makes a good impression, has a stable career, and is sincere.

“They can begin married life in your daughter’s home. That removes one of the biggest financial burdens from the man, while giving your daughter a wider—and potentially better—choice of partners.”

Her parents thought about it.

The following day, they called me.

“Let’s try it your way. They can live in our daughter’s home. But we would still like the man to be healthy, reasonably tall, university-educated, and steadily employed.”

I contacted men in the appropriate age group, and several expressed interest.

I invited them to our Seoul, Korea office and interviewed them individually.

The first man looked at the woman’s photograph and said,

“I still can’t compromise when it comes to appearance.”

He was not a match.

The second and third men were both willing to meet her.

One of them continued seeing her.

Eventually, the two decided to marry.

They held a small wedding attended only by their families and began their married life together.

It was a happy ending—but what stayed with me was the way they found their solution.

The man didn’t have the financial means to provide a newlywed home. The woman already had one.

Rather than judging each person by what he or she lacked, we looked at what each could bring to the relationship.

Finding a spouse is not a competition over who brings more to the table.

Sometimes, the best match is two people whose strengths fill in what the other lacks.