“I was thrown out of the house with nothing on more than once. He hit me, too.”

The woman sitting across from me spoke with tears in her eyes.

I had helped her marry several years earlier.

In the matchmaking business, when couples are living happily, we usually hear very little from them. When someone returns to see us after marriage, it is rarely with good news.

“My husband left me. I know I made mistakes, but he went too far.”

Her husband had been a civil servant—a diligent man who had seemed responsible and even-tempered when I introduced them.

But according to her, their marriage had become unbearable.

Later, I also heard her husband’s side of the story.

At the center of their conflict was her compulsive shopping.

Clothes. Handbags. Cosmetics.

She wasn’t buying things because she needed them. She simply couldn’t seem to stop buying.

At one point, she even borrowed a friend’s credit card. Then she borrowed more money to pay off the credit card bills.

Eventually, the marriage fell apart.

A few years later, she came back to see me.

She was still in her late thirties, attractive and personable.

I remember thinking:

She still has another chance.

But I also knew that simply finding her a different man would not solve the real problem.

If she wanted her next marriage to succeed, she would have to confront her shopping problem herself.

So I approached her remarriage very carefully.

I introduced her to a businessman who was meticulous, practical, and disciplined when it came to money.

I was also completely honest with him.

“She has struggled with compulsive shopping in the past. You need to know that before you meet her. If the relationship becomes serious, finances will be something the two of you need to manage carefully together.”

He agreed to meet her.

She was attractive and made a strong first impression, and the relationship progressed.

Eventually, they married.

This time, I sincerely hoped things would be different.

But several years later, she appeared in front of me again.

Her second marriage had ended too.

And once again, excessive shopping had been one of the major sources of conflict.

Her second husband had eventually reached the point where he could no longer live with the situation.

Then she said something that surprised me.

“Mr. Lee, please introduce me to one more good man. Maybe someone who is a little more financially comfortable.”

For a moment, I didn’t know what to say.

Then a thought occurred to me.

Perhaps what needs to change isn’t the man.

Perhaps what needs to change is her environment.

Just then, I thought of someone.

He was a widower whose children had grown up and moved away. He lived alone in the countryside near Jiri Mountain in southern part of Korea.

He was financially comfortable and lived a peaceful, stable life.

But there was one important difference.

He lived far from the city.

No department stores nearby.

No shopping malls.

No luxury boutiques.

Just a quiet life in the countryside.

And that was precisely why I thought of him.

“How about meeting someone like this?” I asked.

She studied his profile for a long time.

Finally, she shook her head.

“How could I live somewhere like that? I think I’d feel suffocated.”

“That’s exactly why I’m recommending him,” I replied.

“You would have to leave your old city lifestyle behind. And perhaps changing the environment that has made it so easy to repeat the same habits could help you build a different kind of life.”

Then, half joking, I added,

“This time, whenever you wanted to go shopping, you’d have to come down from the mountain first.”

For a moment, she laughed.

After that day, I never heard from her again.

Perhaps she found another introduction somewhere else. Perhaps her life took an entirely different direction.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if she had agreed to meet the man from Jiri mountain just once.

Would changing her surroundings have changed her habits?

Would a quieter life have given her the opportunity to confront the problem that had followed her through two marriages?

Of course, changing where someone lives cannot cure compulsive behavior. Ultimately, lasting change has to come from the person herself.

But after watching two marriages end around the same unresolved problem, one thing had become clear to me:

Sometimes, finding a different partner is not enough.

Before beginning a new relationship, we may first need to recognize what we ourselves must change.

The third remarriage partner I recommended to a woman whose shopping had contributed to the breakdown of two marriages was not a richer man.

He was a man who lived in a place where there was almost nowhere to shop.